Family Relationships

Wife and Husband

In the traditional set-up, the husband was regarded as the undisputed head of the family. However, attitudes have changed and currently a couple's relationship is based on equality.

With more and more women currently on formal employment, the traditional understanding of the husband as the sole breadwinner and the woman as the house-keeper, is undergoing transformation. It is, however, still expected that the man should bear the major responsibility for earning the family its livelihood.

Like in all other societies, there is still a clear division of responsibilities within the family unit. The latter is particularly evident in rural communities that subsist on livestock and arable farming

Children and Parents

The basic relationship between children and their parents is undergoing significant transformation due to exposure to foreign cultures, urbanisation and the resulting disruption to the family unit. Respect for one's parents, assistance with family chores, a high sense of responsibility, are the basic parental expectations.

One of the closely held Setswana values is society's expectation that children should support their parents and assist with the latter's upkeep. A child who provides material support to the parents is held in high esteem by society. Taking care of ageing parents is therefore one of the unwritten obligations of children. Like in all societies, parents in turn consider it their obligation to respect, provide for, and sacrifice for the well-being and future of their children.

Uncles and Cousins

In Setswana culture, uncles, particularly the maternal uncles, are assigned a prominent role in their nephews' and nieces' lives and welfare. In the marriage of their sisters' siblings, the uncles are the main negotiators with the prospective in-laws, influence decisions and contribute materially towards the wedding.

Cousins maintain a special relationship and affinity. Although in some traditional societies cousins were encouraged to inter-marry in order to strengthen the family bonds, the practice is no longer prevalent. They maintain a light-hearted "joking relationship" "go tlhagana" where they are at liberty to pass uncomplimentary remarks about each other and none of them is expected to take offence. The cheerful atmosphere under which the remarks are made add positively to their close and special bond. Some tribes such as Bakgatla and Bangwato regard each other as cousins and maintain the same kind of relationship between their members. The latter practice has tended to sustain a very positive inter- tribal relationship in Botswana.

The Grandparents

Grandparents are amongst the most loved and respected members of the family. It is not uncommon for a couple to arrange for one of their children to stay with its grandparents to assist them with household chores and run errands for them.

A discussion session with the grandparents is often very fulfilling because they are a valuable source of the family's history, give good advice, relate unrecorded Botswana custom and act as wise mediators. Grandparents are also a very valuable source of Setswana folklore as they often relate stories which have been passed down for several generations. The grand parents, in turn, closely bonded with their grand children whom they, at times, appear to love even more than their own children.

Boswa (Inheritance)

Boswa is the inheritance of the estate of the deceased person. In traditional Tswana society, the eldest son inherited the major portion of the father's estate, which consisted mainly of cattle. Other younger sons were given a smaller share and the daughters even less. The expectation was that the eldest son would look after his mother and the entire household after the father's death. The reason for passing the family cattle to the son was that the cattle would remain in the family. If they were given to the eldest daughter, she would remove them from the family upon her marriage. This was also a form of risk aversion in the event the widow re-married and the new husband used the cattle without regard for the well-being of the step children.

Amongst some of the tribes, the last born in the family is entitled to inherit the family homestead. The arrangement is intended to ensure that at least one of the siblings remains in the home to look after the ageing mother, and to secure the traditional birth place of the family.

It must be noted however that there are a number of matrilineal tribes in Botswana. Inheritance of cattle in Herero society, for example, is from a man to his nephew and not his son.

Modern day Botswana is correcting the many flaws in the Tswana inheritance system. Since most partners currently marry in-community-of-property and work jointly for family possessions, property is inherited by the surviving spouse. The children also, irrespective of their ages, tend to be given a much fairer share of their parents' inherited property than in the past. Other families leave legally binding wills.

Marriage

Marriage in today's Botswana reflects the changes traditional society has undergone. Most wedding ceremonies are a compromise between tradition and the requirements of a changing society.

In the traditional set-up, which is still observed by most families, once a young man has identified a girl to marry, he would inform his parents, who, in this instance, may not necessarily be his biological parents. He may choose to inform his eldest maternal uncle who has a traditionally recognised parental role. It is no longer common for parents to select a girl for their son to marry although relatives may discreetly encourage or discourage one from marrying from a particular family or a particular tribe. On the whole, most marriages are currently the outcome of decisions by couples themselves. Arranged marriages have fallen out of practice

Patlo (Seeking Ceremony)

The ceremony known as patlo (to look for) involves the sending of a delegation to the girl's family to ask for the girl's hand in marriage. Usually the girl's parents would have been notified beforehand. On the selected day, the delegation, usually led by the boy's uncle, visits the girl's family. Although the ceremony differs from tribe to tribe, the boy's delegation is expected to display extra-ordinary humility and courtesy towards the girl's side during this time. After a number of very humble and highly structured exchanges between the delegated members of both families, the boy's delegation would depart, at the conclusion of the first session.

At a later date, and if the marriage proposal has been accepted in principle, the girl's parents would simply ask the boy's side to send their women. The women would send their delegation consisting of the boy's senior female relative and another woman, to the girl's mother. Their mission is to come and "wash the words of the men". The women are also then told to come back on a specified day to receive the answer. Thereafter, a number of meetings may be arranged to fine-tune the marriage proposal, differing from tribe to tribe, until the time of the wedding ceremony

Mafisa

Traditional Botswana economic life was dominated by cattle ranching. Cattle provided not only livelihood but also status in society. An adult who did not have cattle was considered poor. In many Tswana tribes, a better-off relative would give some of his cattle to the poorer relative to look after on his behalf. The cattle loaned out in this manner were known as mafisa. Such cattle were very useful to the beneficiary family which could use them as draught power and as a source of milk.

After a number of years the cattle would be claimed back by the owner and some left with the caretaker family as a form of gratuity. The size of the "gratuity" depended on how well the cattle were looked after and whether they had increased in number. The system of mafisa is commendable evidence of how the Tswana traditional society took care of its less privileged members.

Masotla

Masotla were massive ploughing fields which were held in trust by the kgosi on behalf of the tribe. The fields were ploughed by the regiments on a quasi-voluntary basis.

Although the work was supposed to be voluntary, every able-bodied man was expected to participate and those who did not perform the function could be fined. The harvest from masotla fields was stored at the kgosi's granaries for use during the periods of drought and for supporting the under-privileged members of the tribe. The system of masotla provided a form of food security, and is yet another example of the orderly system within traditional Tswana society.